I know I’ve kind of left you all hanging out there wondering DID HE GET HIS FREE IPOD? PLEASE TELL ME! and I’m happy to report that… I haven’t. YET.

BACKSTORY: A couple months ago I finally coerced my girlfriend and boyfriend into signing their lives away for my entertainment, which brought my grand total referrals up to the holy FIVE.

The next step after this is the “verification” process wherein the Gratis Network bigwigs dig down and try to figure out whether or not each of my referrals are actually unique, if their personal info has been sufficiently coopted, etc. These bigwigs came to the conclusion that Kristen was not a real person due to her having signed up using my computer. I filed a complaint and they, amazingly, gave her full credit. An order was placed = iPod gland secreting crystal-pure excitement and anticipation. Gross.

Fast forward a month or so and I finally receive a little package labeled FreeiPods.com. I open it lightning quick, anticipating the hours of pure geek bliss to follow. And it’s a t-shirt. This one:

fig 18: my american dream

There’s also a piece of paper explaining how they’re sending this t-shirt so I can show everyone how I stoked I am to have my free iPod, implying I should have it by now which, again, I don’t.

A strained but polite e-conversation takes place between me and Gratis customer service (nice guys actually) wherein they finally reveal who they ship through (DHL) and I finally track my order. Turns out the did send it out but for some reason it was returned to sender. Which seems to mean that my free iPod is currently gathering dust somewhere inside Gratis world headquarters. I filed a Custom Service Inquiry at the site

3/4/2005 4:21:18 PM
klunko@yahoo.com wrote:

I just tracked my order at DHL and it says my order was returned to the shipper. I’m not sure why this happened, as there were no delivery attempts to my knowledge. Can you please check to see if my order came back to you and send it again?

Like I said, they’re usually pretty quick to get back. But they haven’t yet. Stay tooned.

In other PDX DIY news, Nate Preston of the infamous and ambiguously spelled Die Monitr Batss pointed me (and a couple hundred other people) towards this awesome webpage which allows you and me to receive FREE IPODS. I never do this kind of thing, but my lust for the iPod has been growing steadily, even as my income has steadily shrunk. Please take pity on me and click here, sign up for
Blockbuster’s new sub-Netfllix subscription service the eFax free trail offer, recieve credit the next day, and cancel (see 3rd comment below for details). PLUS!! you’ll also be doing your part to dismantle global capitalism. Mr. Preston explains:

“I need a free iPod. If anyone else was considering doing this, PLEASE!!! sign up using my link below. Know the drill? You sign up for one of those stupid offers, then cancel. Get five friends to do the same thing and they cancel. They repeat the process. Then their referrals repeat the process. It’s a pyramid style money generator. If done correctly you’ll get your free iPod in a few weeks. If everyone does it correctly? The infrastructure of our entire civilization will collapse because all available resources and manpower are suddenly diverted into producing and processing billions and billions of iPods. So it’s not just about me.”

Please. JOIN US.

PS: I promise my next post will not involve a pyramid scheme found on a mailing list. Really.